Friday, May 27, 2011

Worry

Yesterday was kind of a... sad day.

Work was fantastic and Jen bought me lunch and stuff, so that was fine. It's just some of the stuff that came after that made me want to cry.

While Jaron was at work, I was busy marking things in my full novel that I need to look out for when I reread it. I marked all references to time, days, months, years--especially because they shouldn't be there. Days are days, seconds are seconds, but months are styses, weeks are lypses, years are cycles... The biggest reason for the change? Because they're not the same as what we are used to. Most everything is longer. There are only six 'months', there are nine days in a 'week'... etcetera. Anyway, I was doing that for a while, highlighting stuff I should pay attention to when I'm making my final edits.

After that, I went through Google Reader, Goodreads, Facebook, this blog, and deviantART, where I had basically nothing to look at. I post stuff all the time--and I feel kind of like no one is actually paying attention. I know in my heart that it's not true, that people look at my stuff without commenting--but my head worries that no one cares.

Anyway, I flipped open my scripture quad for help. And what I found there I thought was very interesting. It's (LDS) D&C 134:9. It states: "We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied."

To me, it was a perfect thought about how the members of the church do not necessarily stand for the foundations of the gospel. I had a limited space in which to write my thought on Facebook, and it seems some people didn't understand what I was trying to post. So I got many comments and multiple notes. I guess that's what I get for putting it on Facebook instead of on here where I have all the room I need to explain myself.

But the point is, because people were worried I was bashing their religion or something, they suddenly all started to care. And it was hard for me to leave that little post up. But I did it, because I stand by what I thought about this scripture. But I couldn't get out an answer that made sense to everyone, I guess.

So last night I cried over my stupid book. Because I felt like... what I'm writing doesn't seem important to anyone unless it's over what they've been taught to do since birth--defend their religion. My book, Tsirash, that I've spent years working on, is almost ready to go out into the big, scary world, and it has always kinda been swept aside by the people I know and love. I know that, if you're reading this, you do care, but I'm just a worrier.

Jaron and I had a long discussion about it last night, and I do feel a lot better now, but I just needed to get this out there.

On a better note, I saw another comment on my Facebook post this morning: "I'm with Rachel. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the core of the church upon which it is led is true and correct in all its forms- but there are a lot of drones who were born and raised in Utah who don't really know what it is that they claim to believe, and as a result, mindlessly use the church as a back-claim for any of their personal beliefs and/or political opinions."

My trouble with going to church spawns from this fact, but Jaron and I are still trying very hard to get back into the swing of things. We just have to hurdle over some hypocrites to get where we want to go. This comment put almost perfectly what I've been trying to say. So thanks again, Eric.

Well, that's all, I guess. Ta-ta for now.

-Tsira

1 comment:

  1. Hey. I do read what you post... I don't read everything, since I don't go on dA much anymore, and I go on Facebook only rarely, but when things show up in my Reader from you I do read them. Even if sometimes I don't quite recall doing so... I'm sorry. I will try to do better...

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