Thursday, September 1, 2011

All Sorts of Things

A small box caught his attention. It was unadorned, unlike most of the other things on the table. He picked it up and brushed the dust off with his thumb. A simple carving, shaped like a dragon with a circle beside it, cut into the top. He blew the remaining dust from the marking and twisted the box around, looking for a way to open it, but none could be found.

Like a steel blade, Tsira’s voice cut through the musty air. “It doesn't open.”

--

I'm listening to some music I wrote for Jaron's game. I... really like it. And I don't want all that work to go away. Our new computer, one that needs a new motherboard, is being held by the store until the motherboard arrives. And they're saying "If we can't get it, we'll get you a replacement."

But there is no comfort in that. I don't want a new computer--I just got one, and I've done a ridiculous amount of work on it. A ton of my artwork, newer revisions of my book (luckily that one was backed up in several other places a few days before the final crash), and most of all, my musical compositions--they're all on that hard drive. There's no reason for them to wipe the hard drive, but I'm still terrified. My brain keeps telling me they're going to wipe it just because they can. And then I'll lose all of that work. Jaron told me to back up everything when the crashes first started happening, but as we were doing just that, black screen of death happened.

I feel really emotional about the work I've done the past couple of months. I don't think I can handle losing all of that. Sure, I have mp3s of about half the game music, and versions of my art all over dA, but I'm kinda paranoid. Makes me want to cry when I think about that happening. I've been saying stuff like "if that happens I'll shoot someone," and that's not at all like me.

Anyway... adding to my stress right now are all sorts of other things. I feel like the laziest person on the world for not having submitted queries to fifty agencies already, but the truth is I've already done the hard part. Tsirash is done. How many of the would-be writers in the world have actually gotten that far? I know a lot of people who want to write something and have never done it, because it's a ridiculous amount of work.

If you can call it that. For me it was happiness, and a lot of well-used time. Certainly not 'work' at all.

Although, I love my job... and it's a ton of work. It feels like a service that goes unrecognized. The pay is not that good for what I do every day. But it's because I didn't jump through the career hoops of professionals. I'm a teacher, without the degree. I'm a mom, without the childbirth. I'm a cop, without the training. I'm a psychologist, nurse, and babysitter. My job takes everything I have.

Even my skin.

-Tsira

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